If you are a Lover, your passion is connection, the intimacy of giving and receiving. Whether you are sharing your gifts and talents with the world at large, or you are having a one-on-one love relationship, marital relationship, friendship, a family member, or a relationship with a co-worker, you enjoy fusing your essential being with everything in life. Connecting with other people makes you feel grounded, secure, needed, valued, supported, happy, good about yourself, comforted, and loved.
Since relationship is the main focus of your life, when you’re not in a romantic relationship, you’re probably looking for one. You can teach others how to love and “do” intimacy. When the Lover is in bloom, you light up the world. Your enthusiasm, creativity, charisma, and openness make you irresistible. Your glow ignites the glow in others and helps them grow into their full potential. Lovers are wonderful people to know and love.
But as the day is followed by the night, the Lover’s glow casts a shadow. At their worst, Lovers are “energy vampires,” over-connecters who fuse with a grip that can be intensely smothering. As the Vamp, they can be desperately needy, self-centered, and depleting. In anger, they can whip up a storm and strike out with lethal words, wanting to hurt those who have hurt them. Vamps can burn out the people in their lives with drama after drama.
Vamps can be very charismatic and sexy in relationships. When they turn their attention in your direction, they can charm the pants off you. As long as the experience lasts, you’ll feel as though you are the most brilliant, fascinating creature in the universe. The trouble is, it may not last long. As soon as they’ve got you hooked, they are likely to move on to greener pastures because Vamps are attracted to the unavailable. Deep inside, they feel unworthy; therefore they don’t want to be members of any team that would have them. Lovers have a special talent for intimacy, but until they learn how to be self-nurturing and to give without expecting something in return, they often use moments of connection to feed off the energy of others. They seduce you so that you’ll validate them in the mistaken belief that this gives them an identity. Sadly, they often don’t know how beloved and wonderful they are.
If these words seem a bit harsh, just remember that the Vamp is only the unhealed aspect of the Lover. Every “Passion Signature” or, the signature style you express yourself and seek fulfillment, has light and dark qualities. We all have our share. Knowing the drawbacks to your Passion Signature can help you overcome your commitment phobia and discover your full potential.
In my book, The Passion Principle: Discover Your Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work, you will find a guide for overcoming your Vamp qualities and having the committed love relationship and marriage you deserve.
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Donna LeBlanc, M.Ed., is a New York City based psychotherapist and author of THE PASSION PRINCIPLE: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work. Contact her at www.donnaleblanc.com or 1-877-63donna for in-person and telephone coaching sessions and seminars all over the country and abroad. TV appearances: INSIDE EDITION, MONTEL, DONNY DEUTSCH.
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